When sticky notes just aren't good enough...

Having three younger brothers, I grew up watching out for the things that my brothers would forget and misplace. Something deep inside me, I guess, wants to be able to say, in response to the questioning look on another face, "Your keys are inside your coat pocket." "Your glasses are in the bedroom." "Your coat is under your boots under the basement stairs, tho I have no idea why it's there..."

Even now, I think, I love to have answers for people's questions. Cindy loves to dream big dreams, and I'm usually the one following behind her with a notebook and a list of bullet points, ready to give an answer and logical plan when she needs one. I have electronic sticky notes all over my computer usually, filled with answers that I may need at some time for some program...

I was reflecting again tonight that God doesn't call me to build programs or big churches, but simply to walk in relationship with Him. Maybe, to put it more bluntly, God doesn't care about the number of my sticky notes or bullet points. He cares about my heart.

Hehe. Lindsey just ran upstairs and asked, "Where is my phone?" And I answered, without looking, "On the table."

So, once again this is going to be a post reflecting about mushy things like love, grace, and the fact that relationship is more important than religion...(can I say something like that here?!)
Sigh. I feel like I could be so much more hard-nosed, a go-getter, someone regarded as wise, if I would only stir myself up enough to research some deep doctrine. Or maybe if I was strong, I could at least be respected for the forcefulness behind my beliefs. But in reality, I often just feel like a wishy-washy person always preaching about love. And the times that I even do reflect on turning into a deep, doctrinally-wise person, I find myself battling with pride like none other...

I just finished reading Oswald Chambers, and I'm going to quote him for you a little: (it was under the title, "the Method of Missions")
"The challenge to the missionary does not come on the line that people are difficult to get saved...but along the line of his own personal relationship to Jesus Christ. 'Believe ye that I am able to do this?' Our Lord puts that question steadily, it faces us in every individual case we meet. The one great challenge is--Do I know my Risen Lord? Do I know the power of His indwelling Spirit? Am I wise enough in God's sight, and foolish enough according to the world, to bank on what Jesus Christ has said, or am I abandoning the great supernatural position, which is the only call for the missionary, viz., boundless confidence in Christ Jesus? If I take up any other method I depart altogether from the methods laid down by Our Lord--'All power is given unto Me..., therefore go ye.'"

I especially like the part asking about knowing God, and knowing His Spirit. The idea of knowing intimately, relationally, God Himself...and that is the method we use for missions and life.

Sigh. I feel like I'm just a little out of wack, and I know that truth and doctrine are good and wonderful, and I'm probably totally one-sided here...

But for now, am being called away from my lists and answers back into the throne room...back into what it means to be known and filled with God.