Living with three girls who identify themselves with disney princesses this year up at school has taught me a lot about different disney stories and songs. I find myself singing Aladdin at random intervals throughout the day on a regular basis, and when all of us girls get together we randomly talk about dresses, shoes, princes, and the like. :) The funny thing about Disney movies is that there is always a moment in them--the moment that the prince rescues the princess and all is certainly well...the moment when torn and dirty rags are turned into beautiful evening gowns, and magic is in the air...the moment when somehow, by reaching deep down, the heroine or hero finds the power to succeed. The viewer of the movie can usually tell when a moment is coming because of the music, which builds to a climactic point...
Anyway, enough about disney. :)
I walked into class today and my professor started talking about how God gives us moments and wants us to enjoy them. They are not the disney-style moments accompanied by stringed instruments necessarily...but they are moments of peace, joy, love...blessing. My professor went on to read from Tolkien's Return of the King...the moment when Sam and Frodo are in the darkness of Mordor, and Sam looks up and finds one bright star shimmering above the heavy clouds and oppression. The bright star was a moment--a time of peace, of hope...in the midst of darkness, light and joy.
I was struck by that, because I've been thinking of "normal" moments of blessing all weekend...so here are a few in an attempt to document and give praise for them...snapshots of joy and love:
- Three friends gathered around a bowl of popcorn drizzled with honey and butter...
- Ben's face as he watches the people around him sing...
- Being woken up by the whining of Shep and seeing the sunrise in my pajamas and a blanket...
- Honest conversations that communicate trust and grace better than any disney song... :)
- Seeing countless stars that proclaim God's faithfulness...
- The daily conversation of a family...
- Hanging laundry together and cutting garlic...
- Experiencing failure together...loving, gentle competition...off-key music and laughter...
I wish I was a poet, so I could communicate not only these scenes or snapshots but the smile that stretches all the way across my soul in these moments of life...truly, salvation and grace and love are not things that are separate from the human existence...not just things that come to us through moments of romance, finery, or perfection...but things that are captured in countless moments of living that are scattered through each of our physical steps...and I am so thankful for the blessings of each moment.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Waiting
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
Because of daylight savings time, when I rolled out of bed at 6:15am on Wednesday morning this week to run it was pitch-black outside. I stumbled down to the exercise room with my ipod, squinting against the fake light in the stairwell, and settled down to run with some Chris Tomlin music. The exericse room is set up so those running or using the machines can mostly face several big windows looking outside, and it is just possible to see the sky above some of the surrounding buildings. I ran for a few minutes before the song "Everlasting God" came on (the song above), and in those few minutes I was struck by the change from darkness to light as the sunrise started to peak above the surrounding buildings.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.
And maybe because it is Lent, I thought of the darkness and horrible grimness of death and a cold tomb...I thought of being sealed in despair...and then I thought of the rising light as light pouring into the tomb through the cracks as the stone is rolled away, death is defeated, and life and light become the reality again... The darkness of the tomb...the light and new life--such different pictures! Yet God is present in both, and His character doesn't change in the dark...in fact, the darkness of the tomb is what brought life to us...
Last post I talked about the haziness of the future...maybe the joy I felt in watching the sunrise came from the knowledge that no matter how unclear my future is right now, God brings light, strength, direction, joy...
I feel like this transition period of my life is one of waiting with baited breath and awe to see Him direct the sunrise over this next season...
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
Because of daylight savings time, when I rolled out of bed at 6:15am on Wednesday morning this week to run it was pitch-black outside. I stumbled down to the exercise room with my ipod, squinting against the fake light in the stairwell, and settled down to run with some Chris Tomlin music. The exericse room is set up so those running or using the machines can mostly face several big windows looking outside, and it is just possible to see the sky above some of the surrounding buildings. I ran for a few minutes before the song "Everlasting God" came on (the song above), and in those few minutes I was struck by the change from darkness to light as the sunrise started to peak above the surrounding buildings.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.
And maybe because it is Lent, I thought of the darkness and horrible grimness of death and a cold tomb...I thought of being sealed in despair...and then I thought of the rising light as light pouring into the tomb through the cracks as the stone is rolled away, death is defeated, and life and light become the reality again... The darkness of the tomb...the light and new life--such different pictures! Yet God is present in both, and His character doesn't change in the dark...in fact, the darkness of the tomb is what brought life to us...
Last post I talked about the haziness of the future...maybe the joy I felt in watching the sunrise came from the knowledge that no matter how unclear my future is right now, God brings light, strength, direction, joy...
I feel like this transition period of my life is one of waiting with baited breath and awe to see Him direct the sunrise over this next season...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
For Thee the hammer holds...
"So dream a little dream for me, in hopes that I'll remain,
And cry a little, cry for me, so I can bear the flame,
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is untold,
My dreams are not the issue here, for thee the hammer holds."
About a month ago I was introduced to Bebo Norman's "The Hammer Holds." For those of you who haven't heard the song, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKS4UQ7xev4&feature=fvst. It is a song that has been echoing through my head ever since I heard it, because it is so clearly a song of calling, of growing, of crying and stretching and pain and beauty...I was especially convicted by the last line in the chorus: "My dreams are not the issue here, for thee the hammer holds." God has given me so many dreams and blessings. My time at Nozomi was totally a time of living miracles and seeing dreams turn into reality, and I've been walking down a path of real-life dreams the last couple of months.
Everything is coming together for the Fukushima English school, working with Nomura-sensei and Cindy again, seeing people that I love dearly...we have an apartment, a class schedule, the beginnings of a website, and probably crazy-scattered ideas about harmony, truth, love, and joy and how all of those themes can combine into a good English curriculum. :) Through all of it though, the sentence that has started to roll through my head again and again is simply "my dreams are not the issue, for thee the hammer holds." What will it look like--this English school partnership? This decision to come back to Japan has not been made easily. I know that it will be different from Nozomi. I realize that again I am entering a world of living as a kindergartner, with limited vocab and the high stress of not knowing anything and feeling like a failure at everything. Relationships with church members, with students...times of music and prayer...new commutes and new materials...it is all something hazy that I know is up ahead and that has been breaking into my American reality ever since last June, really. :)
One would think that something that's been hazy for almost 10 months would be starting to have a clearer picture. :) No, no...only more confusion. There is so much haze that the only thing certain now is the need to pray. Besides the haze of the future, there is also the haze of the present. Eric's name has come up every so often on this blog...this last week we had discussions like, "What would you think about teaching in Fukushima at a conversation school? Some different company? Can we actually be near each other in the future...?" The more we talk about these things, and the more that I spend time with him, I more sure I am about what kinds of dreams I have in that regard...but again, my dreams aren't the issue here, because God holds the hammer.
In some ways, it is so reassuring. There is so much I might want to manipulate--good jobs and incomes and schedules in Fukushima for Cindy and Eric and I. But we don't even know if we'll have students, let alone finances and good schedules. :) It has to be God opening doors and showing us opportunities...
What if He doesn't bring enough students for Cindy and I? What if He doesn't open up a job for Eric? What if time and distance separate me even more from my family and friends and make me unfit for any reality? What if I simply break down, become crazy, and end up in a psych ward?..."My dreams are not the issue here, for thee the hammer holds"...
It's good...and so much in need of prayer and listening...one last song to sum up the plea of this time:
Take oh, take me as I am
Summon out what I shall be
Set your Spirit in my heart
And live in me...
And cry a little, cry for me, so I can bear the flame,
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is untold,
My dreams are not the issue here, for thee the hammer holds."
About a month ago I was introduced to Bebo Norman's "The Hammer Holds." For those of you who haven't heard the song, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKS4UQ7xev4&feature=fvst. It is a song that has been echoing through my head ever since I heard it, because it is so clearly a song of calling, of growing, of crying and stretching and pain and beauty...I was especially convicted by the last line in the chorus: "My dreams are not the issue here, for thee the hammer holds." God has given me so many dreams and blessings. My time at Nozomi was totally a time of living miracles and seeing dreams turn into reality, and I've been walking down a path of real-life dreams the last couple of months.
Everything is coming together for the Fukushima English school, working with Nomura-sensei and Cindy again, seeing people that I love dearly...we have an apartment, a class schedule, the beginnings of a website, and probably crazy-scattered ideas about harmony, truth, love, and joy and how all of those themes can combine into a good English curriculum. :) Through all of it though, the sentence that has started to roll through my head again and again is simply "my dreams are not the issue, for thee the hammer holds." What will it look like--this English school partnership? This decision to come back to Japan has not been made easily. I know that it will be different from Nozomi. I realize that again I am entering a world of living as a kindergartner, with limited vocab and the high stress of not knowing anything and feeling like a failure at everything. Relationships with church members, with students...times of music and prayer...new commutes and new materials...it is all something hazy that I know is up ahead and that has been breaking into my American reality ever since last June, really. :)
One would think that something that's been hazy for almost 10 months would be starting to have a clearer picture. :) No, no...only more confusion. There is so much haze that the only thing certain now is the need to pray. Besides the haze of the future, there is also the haze of the present. Eric's name has come up every so often on this blog...this last week we had discussions like, "What would you think about teaching in Fukushima at a conversation school? Some different company? Can we actually be near each other in the future...?" The more we talk about these things, and the more that I spend time with him, I more sure I am about what kinds of dreams I have in that regard...but again, my dreams aren't the issue here, because God holds the hammer.
In some ways, it is so reassuring. There is so much I might want to manipulate--good jobs and incomes and schedules in Fukushima for Cindy and Eric and I. But we don't even know if we'll have students, let alone finances and good schedules. :) It has to be God opening doors and showing us opportunities...
What if He doesn't bring enough students for Cindy and I? What if He doesn't open up a job for Eric? What if time and distance separate me even more from my family and friends and make me unfit for any reality? What if I simply break down, become crazy, and end up in a psych ward?..."My dreams are not the issue here, for thee the hammer holds"...
It's good...and so much in need of prayer and listening...one last song to sum up the plea of this time:
Take oh, take me as I am
Summon out what I shall be
Set your Spirit in my heart
And live in me...
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