Spitting Success

So, I have this class of crazy boys--two classes, actually--and they are always doing strange things. This one class in particular I feel is "my baby," because many of these boys were so awful when I started teaching them last year that I would not only remove any small distractions, but I would remove every removeable piece of furniture from the classroom before class started! At one point in time, I would simply pray before each class that no one would kill each other or themselves by trying to climb out of a window, running out of class and heading directly for the big paper cutter, or indirectly choking a fellow classmate with the string for the window blind.

Anyhow, at that point, with my great dog-training background, I started simply playing games and using "treats" with them, slowly teaching them to listen and obey directions enough to do things like play games and have a somewhat normal class period. And lo and behold--they are now my favorite class. Genki, crazy, and somewhat dangerous still (my most common line is still probably, "Kota! Sit down!"), they definitely take energy. But they are all excited to learn and smart, and while the 4th graders next door barely speak above a whisper, my boys are yelling at the top of their lungs "The student...is...at school." Hehe. They're really cute.

Anyway, this year one older boy joined the class, and I've been a little worried about the differences in maturity levels...but for the most part, the younger ones allow him to join in the yelling and learn something (even though he's a "cool" 4th grader!), and he tells them to stop being dork from time to time, which is good for my young ones too. :)

This last week, we were finishing the class by playing a random game--they were in teams, making words off of letters that I had given them, because we've been working hard on phonics stuff. Anyway, they were racing like crazy, trying to come up with words that start with "V," etc., and many time I had to ask them to repeat what word they had said. There was a short lull in the action when my older boy held up a Q and said something like, "Queen!"...which was great! The only problem was that he'd been trying so hard to have good pronunciation that he'd spit all over me in saying the word! He looked at me, having just spit on the teacher, embarassment written all over his face...and the rest of us burst into gales of laughter. He kind of looked around, then decided to join in, and the class then ended with most of us still chuckling over the experience.

I mean, really...how can you not laugh and enjoy teaching when students are trying that hard?! Even if it does involve some spitting... :)

More bouncing...tired bouncing, but bouncing

So, today has been a wild day in the midst of a crazy week, but I just have to pause for a moment to report on some of God's craziness.

So, I'm trying to write this final report for my internship, and so I've spent the day running back and forth from the church to my house, typing in a quiet place where I can think. Anyway, when I was going to head back for evening worship tonight, I decided to just throw on my pj's, cuz it's always just a small group of us girls and sensei, and we're all pretty chill. Little did I expect two 20 year old guys who were absolute strangers to join us for worship! And not only normal strange guys, but musicians that kept us all in the room until 11pm, singing songs, etc.

So now, I'm embarassed about my guitar playing and wearing pajamas. Oy. And when I'm nervous, I can't speak a word in any language, so by the end of the night, when they left, I just put Cindy's blanket over my head for awhile to express how pitiful I am at communicating, and the like....grrrrrrr. I used to be able to speak. Maybe not. At least I think I was able to speak at some point in my life.

Anyway, the cool thing is that God does cool things. :) So Grace said that after I left the room to get music books, the boys were talking about my pajama pants, saying they wished they would have worn their sweatpants too! And our very bad playing of guitar at least encouraged them to play guitar with no fear...

One of the boys prayed for God's light, and we all smiled at his request... Maybe they'll never come back...but it's cool to see God draw people to places of light. We don't even have to go look...He just keeps drawing people to Himself. He really does have a heart for people, ne? :)

*Bounce, bounce*

My brother came to visit from Tokyo today! Ok, so, not my real brother by blood or anything, but my Japanese brother. When we adopted each other as family I really don't quite remember, but every since the official adoption, we've hung out, fought, cried, laughed, worked, and played enough music together to have a very good brotherly-sisterly relationship.

Then, a few months ago, God moved him to Tokyo. Blah! :( However, there were multiple good reasons for that... Anyway, we don't see each other much anymore at all, but we do still keep in touch randomly, and whenever I'm in Tokyo I see him, and today he came up to Niigata for the first time to visit here again and pick up some stuff at home. If I'm his younger sister, then Cindy makes for some kind of older sister, and Nomura-sensei is definitely a father figure. Tonight we all met up at the church, and Grace joined us, and we all did our random family hanging out. Atsush explained his new manga to me in English (he's a manga artist), and then we had over two hours of worship song singing...beautiful times of music in God's presence, with all of us crowded around the piano. Sensei, who had a cold and a fever today, still stayed up and sat singing with all of us--even taking over the drums at the end! Cindy, who was supposed to be writing her site report :), just sat and encouraged us all to bask in the music and God's presence. Grace and I rotated on piano, and Atsush and I rotated on guitar. Oy...I so much want to capture some of these moments and their feelings...but I guess that is why music is music, ne? It's just not the same as a typed-up report.

On another random note, because Sensei was sick, he didn't come to prayer meeting today, but Grace did. It was so incredibly wonderful to see how relaxed she was, and how relaxed the church members were with her! For a moment it felt like the poor church members had suddenly adopted 4 new teenagers--me, Lindsey, Cindy, Grace, and Kim, who was visiting! When we all took over their piano and their bathroom, they looked a little frightened...but praise God for random, door-openings and new opportunities with relationships and prayer!

Ok, enough mental bouncing for joy here. Time for bed. :)

I can't possibly put a title on this...

So much has happened in the last 36 hours that I can't quite synthesize it all or speak about it intelligibly yet...but I want to get something down in order to remember it later.

This last Saturday being Valentine's Day and all, we've had a busy week preparing for the big Vday party, etc. Every day in class there was poetry and discussions about love. Then last night, more than 30 people crowded into the sanctuary for dancing (kudos to Cindy), food (kudos to Lindsey), and chatting. It was really a good evening, and Sensei finished the evening off with a story, giving an example of God's love that is for us, even when we fail or screw up. In this country where perfection is so important and the loss of face is so big that people would rather jump in front of trains than deal with shame, it's a pretty powerful message to hear that God's love is for us, even in our imperfection.

Then skip ahead to this morning. We all had had not so much sleep--Sensei said he got about 3 hours, but that was all, but the church was bustling and full of people. One girl brought her mom for the first time, another new lady was there again, people were wandering in trying to find places to sit...it was just a Sunday that felt alive.

I was in tears for most of the service, as were many others--including Sensei. It all started with the children's message, when Sensei was explaining simply to the kids that our hearts are sick. Even if we don't do bad things (we think), inside our thoughts and feelings are so evil most of the time. We had studied the text for this Sunday during Thursday night Bible study and Friday night worship/prayer time, so I at least had heard some of the Japanese vocab enough to follow along, and hearing Jesus saying, "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners" and having it all tied into the theme of love and forgiveness was so incredibly beautiful. At one point during the sermon Sensei leaned forward and said, "There are people who say that at the point of death, they'll choose to believe God. I have something I'd like to tell those people. Eternal life with God doesn't start at death. It starts now. And I wouldn't give up one second or one minute of being blessed with God's love and forgiveness like my life is right now."

Something in my heart went, "Oh, yeah. That's what Christianity is again." I've been trying to figure out my purpose for being here, trying to figure out why I have to be a church worker, trying to figure out how to be a good person, trying to figure out what my failings have been since I've come here, so I can ask for forgiveness and learn from them...but that's not what's important. For some reason, it's so easy to forget that I came here to fail in myself and to show God's grace and love...that I came here simply to be a witness of the forgiveness that God gives an imperfect existence. Somehow, at the end of my experience here, I want to add it all up like a logical, wordly person, put everything on a scale, and say, "Was this worth it?" But when has the kingdom of God ever been about the final measurement of success? It's not about ending life and saying, "Ok, I've had the title of Christian my whole life and gone to church most Sundays..." It's about being able to stand up and say with tears of joy and love (and probably tiredness too :)) "I wouldn't give up one second or one minute of being blessed with God's love and forgiveness like I am right now."

I think one of the reasons (there really were many reasons for many people) why we were all crying is because we all forget what real love looks like. We keep trying to be worthy of love, or we forget that it's even available for us, or we forget that we're in need of it. We forget the fact that our very hearts are sick, and we keep trying to "Ganbatte" it and go through life uncured.

This morning, though, it was like the deepest part of me understood, finally, that I am forgiven. What happened in Shirone doesn't matter. What happened through all of my bumblings and mix-ups while I've been here doesn't matter...and those things are not held against me anymore. God knows my heart's sick...this side of eternity, it always will be...that's why He's done something about it. He's stated clearly, I've come to call sinners. I love sinners. I forgive you.

We cried through the children's message, the sermon, the prayers, and communion. Sensei just kept blowing his nose and going with the next words that he had, the lady next to me kept dabbing at her eyes, and I could hear the people behind me sniffling for half of the service. The lady who said the prayers got choked up, Ryoko-san dashed out to cry in private, and Cindy and I kept glancing at each other with raised eyebrows, saying without words, "Look what God is doing here!" The Church. I don't like churches in general and trust very few of them, and maybe I'm just projecting my own feelings on everyone else who was in the building this morning :), but coming before God's throne, knowing our sinfulness and receiving love and forgiveness together was one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced.

After the service I went for a run, listening to some of the Third Day Revelation songs (Cindy's sister sent the CD to her, and it's been passed down to me, Lindsey, my guitarist, and more I think...we're all thankful for it! If you haven't gotten it yet, get it. Really.:)). One of the songs is sung from God's (assumed)perspective, and it has a part that goes:

"Call my name, say it loud, I want you to never doubt.
The love I have for you is so alive."

Not something in a book. Not something hanging over my head as a chain to make me follow the Christian rules now. Not something that will be in the future, after I die. Nothing stale, or inconsequential, or traditional, or binding...ALIVE...love. Now, even in our imperfection and sin.

Just in case you've forgotten...

A few months ago, after Lindsey and I moved into our new house, I was standing at the street light on our corner and noticed a skeleton in front of the building across the street. It caught my eye mainly because of the randomness of a skeleton even being on a sidewalk, sitting as if that was where it belonged. A closer look revealed that the building must have previously been used as some kind of hospital/chiropracter's office/etc., but now the building was sitting empty and unused, and the skeleton was the one lonely hint of what had come before the vacancy.

Several weeks...a month...more than a month passed, and I continued to notice the skeleton in front of the building. Then one day, some remodlers came, and the inside of the building started taking on new colors. However, the skeleton remained. A few more weeks passed, and then one day I stood in front of the light deep in thought when I noticed--the skeleton was gone! A few days later, the remodler's scaffolding and canvas were pulled of the front of the new storefront to reveal a cute little wedding shop, with a new name--Grace.

I can't tell you how many times I've come out my front door, stood at the street light, and thought to myself, "How cool is God?! Every morning He reminds me of His grace. Even when I forget, He uses store fronts and signboards to remind me..."

As missionaries, we talk sometimes about how when God's light is brought into an area, the entire area changes. I don't remember ever specifically praying "against" that skeleton, or praying for God's grace to come into the area, but the "GRACE" that is portrayed on the signboard reminds me every day of the new life that comes when God's grace is given to us. Coincidence? I don't think so. Did it come from me? Not at all. Just a gift from a really good Savior...truly, His power, grace, light, and love change death and atmospheres of gloom and sadness to light, joy, and hope.

Every day I have to chuckle as I stand outside by that street light. It's as if God is saying, "In case you've forgotten what's important, let me give you a reminder...My grace." :)

Dreams, music, and new friends

“What’s your dream?” The young Japanese Christian girl asked me almost as soon as I sat down in the small prayer room at Nozomi church. We’d spent almost five hours together that day, playing guitar and piano, learning new songs, and practicing with my student who usually comes along to our twice-a-month nursing home visits. I was tired…tired of people, tired from all the new Japanese songs and kanji I’d tried to cram into my brain, and tired mostly from the daily talks and thoughts of the changes taking place at the church and my return to America. I kind of laughed at her question, because it was exactly what I didn’t want to answer at that moment. “I don’t have a dream,” was actually what I said. I didn’t want to tell her that the closest thing I had to a dream was crawling into a cave and hiding for a very long time.

“What’s your dream?” I turned the question back on her. She paused for a moment, then said, “I want to minister with music. I want to show Christians that God is way bigger than any boxes they try to put Him in…I want them to have more than a religion. I want to help them to have a relationship with God.”

My drooping eyelids flew open at her response—it was practically a direct quote of something I’d said to Cindy at lunch the day before. Who was this girl? Why had God brought her to this church right now?

A big part of my job here is leading various times of worship and prayer…and playing guitar at random prayer meetings, at the nursing homes, etc. Because of that, I’ve been searching for Japanese worship songs for many months now, frustrated with my lack of knowledge of the language…often I’ve reminded God that I struggle with simple sentences in Japanese, and asked why He’s given me a role where I have the opportunity to lead people in deep, spiritual situations in this language. I’m always struggling between staying silent, knowing how awful the language I speak really is, and between speaking, being convicted in the fact that spiritual things NEED to be said, no matter how badly they come across. All throughout these months, I’ve wondered why God has even put me in this position…there really wasn’t anyone coming after me to put in the role of “Japanese worship leader”…why would God give this church six months of poorly led music by a foreigner?

And now here was this girl, sitting across the room from me, music spread between us. When I asked her to lead some of the songs for worship that night, she readily agreed, and did it with ease, and with a spirit of joy, peace, humility…

So much for thinking that music was just my thing. :)
And so much for thinking that God's plan only lasted as far as I could see...

Since that time, we've led worship together multiple times...gone and visited a nursing home...written songs...and it's only been one week. Even while I'm in the process of stepping out of things, there are new doors of training and learning that God opens up. It's good to have a very visual reminder that He has this whole long-term plan thing worked out--for the church and for my life. And more music...