I've neglected this blog quite sadly this week, but that has mostly been because of a lack of time, not from a lack of wanting to write...
In reality, this week has just involved crazy relationship changes...Atsush, kinda like my brother, is moving to Tokyo...I had a nightmare that is actually based in reality, and a good dream that's really not based in reality at all...we're meeting the new missionaries and everyone in Tokyo in a few days and will be trying to figure out again what community looks like outside of Niigata...
Even though it may seem like hiding behind a title/personality test, I hate change of relationships. Other things, like moving, or new schedules, or randomness, I can handle...but relationship changes always make me want to curl up on the floor in a ball and cry.
I can't explain how confusing it feels sometimes to relate to someone as a normal friend, or as a coworker...it's funny the things that become confusing when you live here! I remember when I was home this summer too, thinking to myself, "She (another person I was with) is a good friend, and she has connected with me by email and everything while I've been gone...why can I not open up and talk with her now?!" It's like you lose the boundaries that are "normal" in relationships, and I don't really know what's normal and what's not anymore...and I can only manage either "clingy" or "distant"...does that make sense?
So I'll go to Tokyo and stumble around a little bit, trying to figure out the balance between good friends, coworkers, family, and new relationships...hopefully catch some time with the band :), and probably come back to Niigata reminded again of how much I love Tokyo dearly...
As a random note, the garbage truck just came by singing, "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go..." :)
And with that, I need to go to church...this was very random, sorry. :)
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I don't know...this whole thing makes perfect sense to me. I guess there is some mercy in me afterall. ;) (And how's that for hiding behind personality tests...I don't know which one I am, so I'll just hide behind whichever one makes the most appropriate shield for the occasion ;)
On a halfway related note...I think there's this change that happens in how we love people. Like...at our most "soulish" we love people because they are similar to us or because they make us feel good or any number of logical reasons. But once we begin relying on God for our love, it might seem more random from the outside, but it's going to be the way that's just right.
That's my hope, at least. Loosely based on a book I've been reading that felt like it shed a lot of light on the relational confusion.
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