For some reason, I've been in high "ministry mode" ever since God kicked me into gear last Sunday, and so it's been a week of craziness--not with classes really, but with seeing opportunities for ministry and opportunities to be intentional. Let's just say that even though today was really my first "real" day of regular schedules and classes, I could have possibly set up around 20 hours of work for myself every week in jobs, initiated the beginnings of a campus outreach/prayer group, already have ideas of how to change campus ministry a little, sat at tables and bugged multiple freshman into talking, and have already discovered how to be involved in ministry off-campus...
Oy.
I feel a little like the energizer bunny, knowing that at some point, the crash will come. :)
But it's all good stuff...for example, between my classes and job interviews today I ended up meeting a former missionary and fellow student who just happened to be in town for a two-hour lunch and discussion of cultural stories, the church, etc. I went for a run and tried to connect with some of the athletes or people who live in that section of campus... :) Then did some homework and went to dinner at six, fully intending to be back in my room by 6:45pm to do more homework...yeah. I finally got back around 8:30 after an amazingly wonderful discussion with a guy who likes philosophy and missions (yay!!). Since all of my discussions at the band in Japan and with my other students, I have felt like I need a background in philosophy, and the discussion tonight was more informative than all of the thinking/trying to be philosophical than I have ever done by myself...and I felt...not old. :) Which I feel a lot here. :) Anyway, so I was encouraged.
Then, since I had had that entire discussion in sweaty running clothes, I came back to my room, hopped in the shower, and ran out of my room to the chapel, where there was a gathering tonight...and proceeded to have another long discussion with another guy. Whereas all my earlier discussions during the day were theoretical or had some job-related aspect to them, this discussion was completely relational...and totally shut me down.
I've been really surprised at what has shut me down and what hasn't...tonight the questions were very simple, like "what do you like to do for fun?" I just froze, unable to come up with an answer...finally getting out a half-hearted "I like running...and music." The rest of the discussion was kind of like that...me dodging and fighting myself to remain in the conversation at all, and him trying to be friendly. Finally I just said, "I'm not looking for any interpersonal relationships at this time." How strange is that? I can be completely intentional about who I talk to all day, reach out to strangers, etc. etc....but I can't have any interpersonal relationships???...outside of ministry, that is.
Sigh. Have I always been like this? Is this just Japan? Is this me running away from friendships that are good and trying to supplant them with work, or am I simply living as "nomadically" as God has apparently called me to live...?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment