Being made whole...

Sometimes I think that people just assume that missionaries are joyful, bubbly, seeing God work everywhere...either that or we seem to have a reputation for being social outcasts... :) Funny how different those two reputations are...

Being as last week was retreat and all the VYMers were together, it's been a good time lately to reflect on community and mission work and relationships and reputations in general... The week of community is always good, and the love that I feel towards all of these people who used to be strangers but who are now family is really hard to describe to those who've never experienced it...but in with the goodness there is always somewhat of an ache. I've never really gotten to chose my relationships in this country...and there are so many people on the other side of the island that I love dearly but whom, in reality, I'll only see a couple more times before I have to leave the country. The tension of a group of people who love each other, but have to remain separate from each other, is just plain difficult...

Anyway, especially with all of the change that's happened on this side of the island in the last year, it was a little hard to feel like a part of the big group of Vers...there is so much that has been experienced, fought through, feared through, and prayed through here that we never shared with people while we were going through that time...in fact, there is so much that simply is underneath the surface...I don't think about my old city so often, but sometimes when I think about going home for the evening, I think of my old apartment and curling up in front of the heater. Yesterday I called our grocery store here, Shimizu foods, the name of the grocery store that was there, Lion Dor... And yesterday, when my pastor seemed as though maybe he wanted me to do one thing and I instead chose to do something else, I had to mentally remind myself again and again..."Don't worry! He can be angry with you and not hate you...he can disagree with you and still love you...it's ok..."

I hate typing all of these things, really, and I hated feeling as though there was this huge, silent barrier between the group and us when we went to Tokyo...but even as I can say "yada!!!" in response to these thoughts and to painful loving and community, I found a quote from Beth Moore today that seemed to provide just the right hope for what last week felt like in Tokyo and even what yesterday felt like here...

"The richest testimonies come from people God has made whole and who still remember what it was like to be broken."

I like that a lot...throw out some of those regular missionary labels of "people-person," "social outcast," "religious fanatic," etc., and try this: someone God has made whole who still remembers what it was like to be broken...