An old notepad...

"If you leave this place, you'll be a failure, and you'll never be mature unless you learn what I'm trying to teach you..."

I was cleaning the office earlier this evening when I ran into a notepad I'd used before. The words seemed to scream at me from the page. The sloppiness of the letters brought back to my mind immediately just how hard it had been to control my shaking fingers at that time...I had been trying to take notes, look professional, with my face showing not even a flicker of emotion...but I could not calm my hands.

Even now, as I type, my hands shake. Why am I so afraid of words I know are lies? And not even recent lies, but lies from the past...

Same notepad, different page--a poem/song written around that time. Reminders that even though the desert was painful, it had some beautiful moments too:

All of my heart, all of my pain,
All of my fear, all of my shame,
I bring to Your throne,
And pray for Your grace.

When I want to rebel, when I want to run,
All the times of selfish things I've done,
I come to Your throne,
And pray for Your grace.

I am so young, so much I don't know,
So often I turn from You, to the lies that I hold,
But You come from Your throne,
And You offer me grace.

The blow I expect turns into a hug,
The pain that I feel is healed by love,
And all I can say as I stand before Your throne is...
I'm in awe of Your grace.